Camp Woodland Blog
Homesickness – A crash course from a Woodland “Veteran”
by Susan Austin Short, Woodland alum and parent
We all know our children will get homesick. Six weeks is a long time to be away from home. It’s only natural that they will miss us, the comforts of home, and the routine and known entities about being home. (Not to mention missing their connection to electronics -most kids probably go through withdrawals as they detox from their phones or other electronic devices.)
I was no exception when I attended camp. I still remember crying on the porch of Silver Birch- what seemed like every night – after dinner and before evening activity. That was my worst time of day. But, on the flip side, I also remember being comforted. My own homesickness didn’t curtail me returning to camp for eleven summers. I loved camp like it was a part of me, probably because it was. Homesickness was just part of the deal.
Then why did I panic when my own 12 year-old daughter started telling me she was homesick much more this summer, didn’t know why, and wanted to come home? She had changed her mind and could I come visit after all? (She had told me multiple times leading up to camp that she did not want me to visit her this summer. She wrote me a letter the first week of camp confirming, “You can cancel your reservation. I don’t want you to visit.”)
Okay, Okay, I get it. Honor she’s growing up and just cancel the darn reservation. This is what we want for our kids! Become more independent! Rely on the friends and counselors to help you through the tough times! Mommy isn’t going to be there for every challenge or setback to help you through! This is a part of what being at camp for the whole summer is about, right?
I embraced her independence as best I could and canceled the reservation. Case closed.
Then the letters started coming about how homesick she was. I started doubting the choice to cancel the visit. I worried she would feel abandoned if I didn’t come. I wondered if there was something more serious going on that she couldn’t tell me about in a letter -that only seeing her would make the difference. But, I also knew from my own experience that when parents leave after a visit, the kids usually dip even more. It can be helpful and reassuring to be with them, but when they leave again, it can feel worse. Was this to the point that that temporary setback was worth it?
Her sadness was in between comments like, “The aquatramp was really fun!” or “I passed out of level 4 in swimming,” but I was still stunned and worried. This communication was from a girl who barely wrote letters her previous summers, and now I was getting 4 or 5 a week.
I checked in with camp leadership to ask the counselors if they thought it would be better or worse if I came. The feedback was to visit – that this could help her over the hump for the last 3 weeks.
I found a hotel! I reorganized responsibilities with my family and work at home! I was going to see my baby and make everything alright again! I was needed! Mom to the rescue! (Easy Ego)
That first hug was amazing. Of course. And, it was so good for me to see my daughter in the flesh, confirm she was safe and sound, and see her in a few of her activities. To listen to her tell me about some of the wonderful occurrences and some challenges was only further confirmation that indeed all was well. In fact, I’d even say she was thriving.
As I said to JoAnne after spending some time with my daughter the first day: “She is beyond fine.”
She was going through typical challenges at camp. It’s just the way it is. I was with her for 2 activities on Friday, and 3 Saturday morning. We stayed in the camp environment, and I left quickly after a last hug. We had our time to talk. I had time to see her in her world. And, ironically, it was just enough time for me to begin to annoy her; thus reminding her of one of the many reasons why she was counting down the days until camp all year: to get away from Mom. 😊
Would she have been okay if I hadn’t visited? ABSOLUTELY. I may have even robbed her of some additional learning and growth by coming. I’ll have to live with that possibility. But, I would have spent the rest of the summer wondering if I had let her down by not coming. This time, I don’t regret my decision.
If there’s a next time, though, I just might make a different choice.